Baby Brother
by lotus-bugxm9
Summary: Sam's POV! I was addicted too demon's blood and now they knew all about it but most importantly he now knew the truth my big brother. oneshot!


**Title**: Baby Brother

**Author: **Lotus-bugxm9

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Supernatural!! Or the rights to the song…Band Alice in Chains/ Song: Man in the Box.

**A/N**: I just love the song it was somehow fitting and yes if the lyrics are messed up or not correct then that is my fault for I just really wanted to add a cool supernaturalism sounding song in the backdrop correct or otherwise. Yeep.

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_Lala la la la la la la_

_lala_

_Lala_

It was Incredible. Electric shocks rippled down my body as my tongue and mouth came hungrily in contact with the fresh demon's blood from my victim's neck as I instantly yielded to it completely. With my pulse racing my heart going at the speed of light as I lapped up every ounce of the red thick liquid I could get a hold of in this new crisis I was in heaven right in the middle of battle.

Strength returning to me in which I haven't felt in days having felt more or less like a sick dog I was strong enough again taking in my quick eager animal realistic urge of hunger evading to plunge the knife in as I swiftly pulled back. The blood was good no? It, was fantastic but not nearly as good as hers was for no ones compared to Rubies as the taste was wrong yet still spicy delicious fire.

Pulling back further body now healed pumped full now of power did I taking the situation at hand by the bull's horns in a warrior cry with dagger in hand deliver judgment down unto the thrashing enraged demon below.

My senses still feeling somehow sluggish as I got to my feet unaware of my watching audience or of my silent injustice did I instantly thinking of only one person spin around on my heels in, searching. I wasn't expecting it. To in that one instant my eyes wide awake looking all around for signs of my brother in a echo expect him to already be there watching me with a frozen face.

Are gazed were locked for what seemed the longest time and the only thing I could think of without saying or moving a single inch was "Oh shit!" for here it was at last. Sam Winchester had been caught red handed. Dean's face which I knew better then anyone else's in the whole world other then being frozen was oddly twisted into a expression I couldn't quit understand here now under this rich infectious high of mine.

_I'm the man in the box_

_Buried in my shit_

_Won't you come and save me, save me_

There was shock defiantly and even I was positive a bit of disgust there too but the biggest thing there was a mystery to me as there was so much written there for a half a second I couldn't begin to decode it. For as I stood there feet away from him did it finally click into my drug-like mind for the first time since what this might look like from the outside in! I must look like a monster….a damn bloodsucker.

Because right there and then did my body respond finally to my sudden hyper aware tingling jolts and barely seen twitches as my hand slowly rose up to touch at my chin. Fingers, pulling back stickily did I gaze secondly down in surprise and somehow not t see thick wet blood coating them in its warm inviting aroma as it brought me in even now as my teeth clenched together in a sneer half past a held in growl.

The urge to not stick my digits in my mouth to suck them greedily was extremely overwhelming but I resisted it by will power alone and by the time I looked back up my brain still stunned from my brother's odd reaction did I note something imminently and that was he was, gone. Looking hurriedly to my left did I spy him heading off towards the little girl and right there and then did I picking up the second demon in the mother's form possessing her did I raise my right hand out high and might with renewed thirst and conviction…..

The Power

Demon's blood

It was enough

For now…….

_Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?_

_Jesus Christ, deny your maker_

_He who tries, will be wasted_

_Feed my eyes now you've sewn them shut_

After I finished the second demon off sending it back to hell the full use of my powers back but not completely the way I liked them did I turn yet again in search of my brother. He wouldn't look at me but instead turn his attention to that of the little girl who now held Castiel's spirit inside her as his new vessel from heaven sent to earth.

I recalled the empty look she had given me when she stood beside Dean after finding out my deepest darkest secret and it gave me a not so gentle inner shiver yet again creating more questions which I properly already had the answers to. Because in a way it was a look that was not that far off from what my brother's had been but the thing is as much as I was now brother by this new mishap that dean now knew was the fact I didn't feel any shame at what I had done not one bit.

For I needed it. The blood. I needed it to survive this war on the world or whatever more it was for I needed it to be strong for both us me and my brother and for all humanity if it came down to that…..no…I felt…instead relief too be powerful once more.

When the time came Castile now back in his original body left us delivering an odd omen's message to Dean as he turned his back on us with that god damn empty same face of his was I yet again thrown into strangeness yet what wasn't strange in my live? Nothing. The irony wonderful taste of the demon's blood was still so scorching in my mouth the whole ride over to Bobby's it was amazingly bittersweet not to just relish in it but I tried my best to not let it get to me as my mind was buzzing also with many new questions.

My number one? What was Dean thinking what could possible be going on inside that head of his that was most of the time sturdier then steal the unreachable force for a time and time again….lockdown…in secret.

_Lala la la la la la la_

_Lala_

_Lala_

Minutes went by painfully slow.

Dean sitting in the drivers seat hands square on the wheel no less loose or tighter then normal as it was quite in the Impala maybe a bit to quite was there a heavy barrier of air and static between us I certainly sensed but wanted nothing then to pierce right through it. It was driving me crazy…this….this….I needed to know what he was thinking! Damit….clam down Sam…deep breathes.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched him momentarily coming up with the questions in my mind before I licking my lips opened my mouth the letters rolling off of my pink tongue turned, deep red.

"Where is it, Huh? Where is the explosion?" I told finally raising my hands in my extreme of my growing uneasiness at his none speaking to me mood which I was get more more use to these days as it was the same back. "Where is the big….Lecher?" I added for a last thought.

"What do you mean?" He asked coolly.

I looked back at him skeptically. I tried reading his face once more which normally was so easy for me like my one personal open book but somehow just like before it was a blank canvas for I couldn't read my brother's face to save my life. It wasn't normal. I was use to be so good at it but now I just did not know what to say yet I continued one anyways.

_I'm the dog who gets beat_

_Shove my nose in shit_

_Won't you come and save me, save me_

"Oh, I don't know the usual saying something like what the hell happened back there!? That what I did was wrong and I should know better and how upset and angry, you are with me right, now….something along those familiar lines" I began the words flowing out of me quickly as I licked my lips once more measuring any changes in his expression. None. "Just anything please beside this….awkward silence, its killing me just say anything yell at me....I want you to yell at me…so off with it!" I stumbled out a bit rashly as it was gaining on my nerves the silence of the Winchester's.

"There's nothing to say" Dean easily sidelined with a long dry sniff keeping his eyes straight on the dark foggy road ahead of us yet I could see his jaw now working none stop. "But if I did have too say something….if you want an answer then I'll tell you I'm not any of, that" He said quickly full lips formed into a solid hard-line.

What was this? He normally on a regular basis when I went out of line skinned me alive to put me back in my place like all good older brother's did but this wasn't…like him. He, normally by this time frame was biting my head off telling me off of how foolish I've been and telling me how much danger I've been putting myself in by falling prey to something like…..like…..the addiction. For god yes. That is exactly what this is my secret lovely sweet addiction to the blood of demons.

But no. There was no sign of the over bearing protective Dean here now sitting next to me in the car but only that of what was to be the ghost of the shell of him as he didn't seem to really be here with me. I thought about it for a long while what he had said as I looked out of the window my heart still unsteady from the fusion of blood in my own mortal life's stream forever mixed with evil…..

Was I evil?

No

I didn't

Think so

No

_Feed my eyes, can you saw them shut?_

_Jesus Christ, deny your maker_

_He who tries, will be wasted_

_Feed my eyes now you've sewn the shut_

"For, what do you want me to say hmm?" Dean's strong voice sounded out to me moments later breaking me out of my deep thoughts as I slowly turned my head back around to peer into his set face. "That I'm angry….that I'm shocked beyond belief at what I saw back there….that, I'm disappointed? Well, shit

fine then if you want a refreshing taste of honesty….I'll say this…yeah I'm disappointed just a tiny little bit….but angry, furious, me wanting to yell at you and you wanting me too bullshit? No. For what I am the most is just tired." He said evenly as he took a swallow as I lowered my eyes my eyebrows coming together to scrunch into a frown not at all following his meaning. "I'm just so….tired." was the softer repeat as I looked away now missing the shining glaze in the oldest Winchester's eyes as his hands barely noticed shook on the staring wheel.

Tired? What could dean be tired of? The war against angles and demons? The whole world? What it was I couldn't figure out as we both got to Bobby's in hardly a blink of an eye. Welcoming us like normal with a he and friendly grumble did Bobby and us quickly get to work as we three headed down to the safe house down deep in the basement of his house.

Me leading the way as I took the stairs down slowly did I upon reaching the iron threshold did I take a step inside confident the others were just behind me as I timely began to turn. But that's when it hit me. Taking one fleeting glance around the room spying freshly painted of evil protection spells of every kind did something in my gut clenched down in a fistful as I instinctively turned full around now in a rush to look towards the other two for something just was not right about this what the hell was going on?

"……Dean?" I called out for confirmation.

And there he was. With that same blank twisted face I'd seen earlier along with Castiel's did I see both him and Bobby now holding the heavy iron door with there hands gripping it tight. I met both of their gazed for only a fraction of a second looking back and forth and that is when without a word they began to quickly push it closed that contact mind boggling lost….

_Da da da_

_Da da_

_Dada_

_Dada_

_Da………….da_

"Dean?" I called out a second time now confused.

And there is were it happened. With a heave before my body could react was the iron door in a last shove finally slammed shut in my face by the two closest people in my life. When, I finally did make sence or tried to at least register what had just happened did I act instantly upon the situation I was trapped in now as I raised uo my fists too slam back at the bolted thick door.

I pounded and pounded for what seemed hours on that damn door but when exhaustion finally got to me did I give out sliding to the floor in defeat throat feeling blistered from calling out my many useless pleas. Temples pounding as I struggled to get my thoughts in order did I begging to out the pieced into place of what this was happening to me of why they would trap me in here without any explanation or warning.

The only reason that made sense?

Dean and Bobby

Were scared

Of me

Feed my eyes, can you sew them shut?

Jesus Christ, deny your maker

He who tries, will be wasted

Feeeed my eyes now you've sewn the shuutt

Or more of what I was becoming. But I wasn't a demon. I wasn't a monster I was a hunter so why were they doing this it just didn't make any since to me for I didn't want them feeling that way. I had broken rules I knew that already I had know the day I had agreed to start training to put use to my hidden powers and had know it also the day I started to sleep with the sworn enemy.

And yet I couldn't understand it for with all this power new and old I was making a change in the world of the living and the underworld wasn't I? Yes…so what was this? I am protecting the people I love and too remain doing so I have to get stronger for Dean and Bobby as they were not meant for this they were not strong enough too bear the load of the world's future on their shoulders.

Dean wasn't meant for this

I was

This in being the coming apocalypse the fight against the demons the fight against Lilithe and if it came down to it a fight with the angles who were turning more hostile it appeared as heaven was no longer on are good graces it seemed nor was Castiel. They were scared honestly. Heck I was too but not even together were those two strong enough to handle this alone but yet again I could handle it I knew I could I was strong again.

_Lala la la la la la la_

But to go this far and throw me in a jail cell almost not that was going a bit far for didn't those two know I was doing this all for them and for the better of the world? They had too. Because I was wasn't I? Yes….yes. Smoothing back a handful of long brown hair did I closing my eyes let out a deep breath as I once more called out to my brother and Bobbie who was more like my uncle removed but with no a vile as they were long gone.

Sure things I had to agree had been going bad for a while now. Ever since dean got back from hell things had been going down hill and I really did not know how to stop it or even try and fix it. I loved my brother. I would do anything for him if it meant saving him form something but lately the last several months something has defiantly been off with us.

I wouldn't lie to myself saying I have been truthful with him about everything as in the past we never lied to one another but something now just weren't meant for his ears too hear. Such as keeping the secret about my addiction. I never wanted him to find out like how he had as I was eventually going to tell him and about Rubie too being the lucky willing downer.

What a fat lie

I was turning into a criminal. I was lying to the people I loved and I was hurting them not protecting them for I saw it now and then more often then not the way dean sometimes looked at me now hence the big blow out now. I had brought it up with him in the past and now it was here again to say for maybe in the end I was the one becoming the monster and him the better hunter…..

_La la la_

::: **If I didn't know you I would hunt you**:::

Those words of his said not to long ago rang in my head as I shook my head remembering the punches and hard words but as I thought about it the closer I got to asking my self was the question of was it enough? My small remaining family. Were they alone enough even now to save me from my consuming addiction a thing which I knew was wrong yet it didn't matter for was it enough to save me the coming agony? I prayed it was. But, in the long run by the end of the day it all came down to the one single fact……..

I didn't think it was going to be

When dean had said he had nothing to say about what he had saw I new that was the furthest thing from the truth for he wanted to say a lot of things I knew many of them dangerously the truth. But like before he was scared too. Perhaps it was of upsetting me the addict or possibly to keep himself in control he kept quite in his new mood of things wallowed up in his own personal lasting hell which I on occasion couldn't even breach.

I had many things to say to him also but many of them I couldn't like the fact at the age of 25 years old I was deeply down in my core a scared little boy in desperate need of comfort and gaudiness. That I wished that none of this had ever happened and things were like they had been in the past with just me and my brother on the road on a hunt banging out to the old classic rock songs of the age totally carefree yet not free to live a normal life.

But no things were not like that and could not be easily changed for like I had said things were different now between my brother and me and I just could help but see that in the future things were either going to come to a truce or a blow out. I could not afford to be that scared little boy. I would not let my brother see it when he himself was lost in his suffering guilt at what he had done back in hell…for I was the stronger one….I could not be weak even if it cost me what I treasured most in the world.

_Lala _

The love

Of

Bobby

And my brother

For we were hunters

….me and my brother

All of us

Being

Torn apart………

One the opposite side of the iron door his hand covering his mouth to possibly hold in his wolf howler of enraged angst did Dean Winchester after moments of silence finally raise his lowered head.

In the gloomy hallway of the staircase to the safe room was bobby not fooled one bit when he saw the kid hurriedly with the back of his hand wiped up a few fallen tears as he straightened up to clear his voice. Dean acted tough not that he wasn't in reality by tem having just listened for minute the hopeless calls of Sam to let him on out of the cage they had put him it had to have done something awful to him as he was a total wreak.

Those damn Winchester boys. Bobby, shook his head as he let out a sigh taking a step forward as he easily placed a rough hand on the oldest brother's stiff shoulder as he gave it a good squeeze. The both of them just looked at the door for a few moments after this in a matter of unspoken heartbreak before dean took that step back to effortlessly shrug off the gesture meant to comfort as it was easy to see he wanted nothing of that sort now.

_La La_

"I'm going for a walk." was the gruff call out.

And with that did he stat his way towards the stairs as bobby was left behind in thought the pounding of Sam's fist a long forgotten memory and not one easily forgotten either as the boy was a fighter not a giver upper….

It's, for the best of him…son" Bobby began something he knew dean would hear as the boy was half way up the rickety staircase now a hanging light-bulb blinking fuzzily now just over the kid's shadowed face. "We'll fix him Dean….god will help us fix him back to his normal self for we aren't going to give up on him…I promise, you that" His voice was confident yet somehow soft.

"Who said anything about needing God's, help?" Dean's voice waffled on back to him silent seconds later at it was suddenly bitter as he halted at the knob voice now hollow and shattered at what was too come. "That's, not my Sammy anymore Bobby that's not my….baby brother in that room….I just don't know who or what he is anymore." came the thick whisper in the dark leaking on overfull with raw emotion.

"He's your brother" Bobby answered.

The light-bulb continued to flicker on and off as dean slowly turned his face around one last time to give bobby a look which had him feeling frozen to the gills as those hazel eyes were suffering…a good deal…..for indeed there hardships ahead….the irreversible. And by the time the answer was said had the light with a cracking fizz burned out and gone black as the door was with a slam was closed shut.

"…..we shall see" Was the farewell replay.

**End**

A/N: So what did ya think of my Sammy pov?? Kinda dark but it has to be for I predict a lot is going to happen in next weeks eppy which will most likely have all of us by the end of it on the end of are seats totally craving MORE crazy action!! Or weeping hysterically like 14 year old girls saying... (Why oh why!!??). I personally know I love all the brotherly love moments but when those two get angry at each other! Pow-wow!! Watch out. Its gonna be awesome. And also I know it will change but this fic was purely for my fun and practice to write supernatural fan fiction….things change oh well no biggy.^^, Yay


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